As always, beautifully unravelled complex emotions...i have so many regrets about not appreciating my mum enough, and i don't want my daughter to be in that state but have to let go this need to somehow alter it for her...
I was in 7th standard. We had a terrible picnic as we were all stung by yellow bees. Stung, swollen, and with all my clothes totally worn, I was standing in front of my mother. I only wanted to be hugged by mother to feel that she is there for me, and I'm safe in her arms. All she said to me was: "I told you not to buy new clothes for the picnic." This sentence of hers stung more than any bee sting. For years, whenever I was in any difficult situation, this kept coming back, injuring me where it hurts the most.
But, now, when I am living my life on my own without any support, I can't complain more. I acknowledge my hurt and my life-long longing for her emotional availability for me. But, at the same time, I acknowledge her life situation—abusive marriage and the responsibility of two daughters. I only feel immense awe and gratefulness for my mother. And, I don't know if that can compensate for my wants. But, my wants feel so very tiny in front of her life traumas and struggles, and therefore, I let them go.
Natasha so well you capture first the hurt, and then the letting go of it, made possible by your own experience of being a mother. I related to this completely. Even now when I am nursing my mother and caring for her with all the sensitivity I can gather, she leans on my brother. But like you, I let go of the hurt for I understand the pain she has gone through, in losing my brother and now the illness. In letting go both heal. Sending you love.
Natasha - you write for all mothers, young and old. I have been on the receiving end of my mother's anger multiple times and never understood why she lost her cool with me. Now I find my daughter on the receiving end of my frustration and it makes me think - is she forming memories similar to mine? your essay made me pause and think and try and make sense of the complicated (but beautiful) love between a parent and child.
A lot of us go down this mirrored hall and get stuck at rediscovering the hurt; we get caught up watching it bloom. It takes a Natasha to remind us that what happens after is just as important: when you've felt it fully, you let it go. Thankyou <3
Oh gosh. There is so much kindness and insight in your writing. I am getting the strength to look at my hurts again, maybe there were some misunderstandings there too.
As always, beautifully unravelled complex emotions...i have so many regrets about not appreciating my mum enough, and i don't want my daughter to be in that state but have to let go this need to somehow alter it for her...
There are writings which bring back Spring no matter what the season. Thanks for sharing.
Bas, thank you ❤️.
I was in 7th standard. We had a terrible picnic as we were all stung by yellow bees. Stung, swollen, and with all my clothes totally worn, I was standing in front of my mother. I only wanted to be hugged by mother to feel that she is there for me, and I'm safe in her arms. All she said to me was: "I told you not to buy new clothes for the picnic." This sentence of hers stung more than any bee sting. For years, whenever I was in any difficult situation, this kept coming back, injuring me where it hurts the most.
But, now, when I am living my life on my own without any support, I can't complain more. I acknowledge my hurt and my life-long longing for her emotional availability for me. But, at the same time, I acknowledge her life situation—abusive marriage and the responsibility of two daughters. I only feel immense awe and gratefulness for my mother. And, I don't know if that can compensate for my wants. But, my wants feel so very tiny in front of her life traumas and struggles, and therefore, I let them go.
Thank you.
Natasha so well you capture first the hurt, and then the letting go of it, made possible by your own experience of being a mother. I related to this completely. Even now when I am nursing my mother and caring for her with all the sensitivity I can gather, she leans on my brother. But like you, I let go of the hurt for I understand the pain she has gone through, in losing my brother and now the illness. In letting go both heal. Sending you love.
Natasha - you write for all mothers, young and old. I have been on the receiving end of my mother's anger multiple times and never understood why she lost her cool with me. Now I find my daughter on the receiving end of my frustration and it makes me think - is she forming memories similar to mine? your essay made me pause and think and try and make sense of the complicated (but beautiful) love between a parent and child.
This had such an important message for me, thankyou for knowing what would help souls connected to you ❤️
A lot of us go down this mirrored hall and get stuck at rediscovering the hurt; we get caught up watching it bloom. It takes a Natasha to remind us that what happens after is just as important: when you've felt it fully, you let it go. Thankyou <3
Perspective helps! Thank you, Natasha for the much needed push to heal.
💕 One heart for the mother, one for the daughter who became the mother.
The perspective is so so important for every child and mother to understand ❤️ photos are 👌🏽
Ufff this is such a universal hurt. Thank you for writing and showing us the way to healing.
And the vintage photos are 😍
Oh gosh. There is so much kindness and insight in your writing. I am getting the strength to look at my hurts again, maybe there were some misunderstandings there too.
Absolutely beautiful ❤️
Beautiful yaara